“Don’t bust a blood vessel trying to be funny.”

“Too damn long! No one has the time to read a blog longer than a page. Condense your writing or use a smaller font!”

“What is the single take-away for each blog? If everything is important, nothing is important.”

“Why should I read your blog? What’s in it for me?”

Many of the comments reminded me of a heading in a beautiful book I just finished reading – Presentation Zen, by Garr Reynolds….

“Dakara Nani? (So What?)”

So I had some questions, went on a journey, found some answers, tried them out and they worked. Dakara Nani? So what? Why should anyone care?

In the context of the preceding blog and this one, here’s a snippet from a fascinating report by CPP – ‘Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness it to Thrive’…

“In our culture, we reflexively tend to think of the term “conflict” in the negative. When we discuss conflict in the business world, we speak of it (often unwittingly) as a diminishing force on productivity, an ill that only compounds the difficulties of a job, and an element that needs expunging if companies are to achieve their goals. Normally seen as the byproduct of a “squeaky wheel” rather than a natural derivative of business itself, conflict is a force that causes short-term anxieties, and many view “fixing” ongoing conflict as synonymous with “eliminating” it.

• 85% of employees at all levels experience conflict to some degree
• U.S. employees spend 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict, equating to approximately $359 billion in paid hours in 2008.
• The question for management, therefore, is not whether it can be avoided or mitigated; the real concern is how conflict is dealt with.
• If managed improperly, businesses’ productivity, operational effectiveness, and morale take a major hit…
  • 27% of employees have witnessed conflict morph into a personal attack
  • 25% say that the avoidance of conflict resulted in sickness or absence from work.”

-Jeff Hayes, CEO of CPP

Think about the last three conflicts you were involved in.

• Did you use a step by step approach to steer these conflicts in the desired direction? How did that work out?
• How did these conflicts impact you as a person? How did they impact the organization?
• How much time did you spend on managing these conflicts as an individual and as a team?
• What was the cost of conflict in dollars? What was the ROI?
• Was the ROI of conflict acceptable? How would you increase it?

Most of us have at least one ongoing conflict at any given time. When faced with conflict, we often select from one of two options – Fight or Flight. Sometimes these options work, but many times they don’t. And when they don’t, the cost of conflict is high and the ROI is low.

‘Dakara Nani?’ you may ask, ‘So what? ’ Well, this is the story of how I increased the ROI of conflict in my life. I hope it helps you do the same…

The Texas Three Step

In my last blog, I introduced the five styles of conflict resolution in the TKI model. After I learned about these five styles, I did a quick self assessment to figure out where I probably stood. Due to my exceptional self-awareness and incredibly high intellect, this did not take long. I quickly realized that I had already evolved a very sophisticated, pragmatic, situation-based, multi-pronged approach to resolving conflicts. This approach comprised of a unique three step process, which I had designed independently and should have patented.

I called it the Texas Three Step. Here’s how it worked…

• Primary Style: Compete!
• Secondary Style: Compete Harder!!
• Tertiary Style: Compete Hardest – Be sure to leave scar tissue!!!

Not that this approach was working for me. I was paying a really high cost for conflicts with negligible benefits. The ROI was pathetic! But I did not know what adjustments I should make to increase my ROI. So I took the TKI assessment, curious to see if it turned on any light bulbs. I was shocked when I saw my results…

My initial reaction was pure disbelief. This was very different from how I perceived myself, and definitely different from my image among those who had been in conflicts with me. I started looking at the evolution of some of my most painful conflicts to see if there might be any truth in my report.

It was a confusing time until I attended an amazing workshop on ‘Advanced Conflict Resolution’ by Ralph Kilmann, co-author of the TKI. Ralph helped me make sense of my conflict resolution approach by combining the TKI with my MBTI results…

Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I started observing a distinct three step pattern in most of my challenging conflicts. I realized that the actual ‘Texas Three Step’ was very different from what I thought it was…

• Step 1: Being a Caregiver on the PMAI and an F (Feeler) on the MBTI, I would start by wanting to make everyone happy. So I would Accommodate in the early stages of most relationships and conflicts.

However, being an I (Introvert) on the MBTI meant that I would rarely tell people that I was accommodating them. I used to assume that they would notice, keep score and reciprocate by accommodating me when I really needed them to.

• Step 2: Over time, however, I noticed that some people did not reciprocate. And they did not accommodate me out of a sense of fairness and reciprocity (is that even a word). This made me angry and resentful. I knew that I should speak to them about it, but something made me uncomfortable about the idea. Probably a long history of similar conversations that had not gone down too well. So I began Avoiding the person or issue at hand, in the hope that it would resolve itself.

• Step 3: Finally, when the situation became unbearable, I would erupt and resort to ‘Competing’ by switching into the Shadow Form of the Warrior archetype as described on the PMAI. In plain English, this meant that I would become very aggressive.

What is interesting about the actual ‘Texas Three Step’ is that I only had visibility into Step 3. I was not happy with my conflict resolution approach – but I was at a loss about what to do different. I had no insight about the previous two steps in my conflict resolution approach and could not make adjustments in the early stages of conflict.

Assessments like the TKI, MBTI and PMAI helped me understand myself and gain the option of altering my response before conflicts got out of hand. I made three simple adjustments with dramatic results-

• Adjustment 1: When Accommodating someone, step out of the Intravert’s comfort zone and communicate with the other person. Sometimes, people could not care less about what I am giving up. It is just not important to them, I just assume it is and end up making both people unhappy. At other times, people need to know that I am accommodating them. It helps solidify the relationship and they understand me better.

• Adjustment 2: Don’t Avoid conflicts by getting stuck in a sucker’s choice – ‘Damned if I bring up the issue, Damned if I don’t’. Try to surface everyone’s concerns in a respectful way. Create a safe atmosphere to brainstorm and Collaborate to see if a new way can be found to address all key concerns.

• Adjustment 3: Maximize the benefits of Competing by being firm and assertive without being aggressive.

In isolation, these adjustments seem trivial. No big deal. But when applied in the context of my history with conflicts, they were dynamite! That is the beauty of self-awareness – the hardest part is turning on that light bulb to illuminate your blind spots. Once the light is on, the rest is easy. Relatively, any way.

‘Dakari Nani’, you may ask. ‘So what?’ This was the story of my ‘Texas Three Step’ and how it helped me increase the ROI of conflicts in my life. How will you apply it to increase the ROI of conflict in yours?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Presentation Zen – http://www.presentationzen.com/

• TKI – https://www.cpp.com/products/tki/index.aspx
  • Introduction to Conflict Management – https://www.cpp.com/en/tkiitems.aspx?ic=4816
  • CPP Global Human Capital Report: Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It to Thrive – https://www.cpp.com/Pdfs/CPP_Global_Human_Capital_Report_Workplace_Conflict.pdf
  • Making Conflict Management a Strategic Advantage, by Ken Thomas – https://www.cpp.com/Pdfs/conflict_whitepaper.pdf
  • Ken Thomas – http://www.kennethwthomas.net/
• • Ralph Kilmann – http://kilmanndiagnostics.com/ralph.html

• MBTI –
  • CAPT – http://www.capt.org/mbti-assessment/
  • CPP – https://www.cpp.com/products/mbti/index.aspx

• Archetypes –
  • Carol S Pearson – http://www.herowithin.com/index.html
  • The Pearson Archetypal System – http://www.herowithin.com/system.htm
  • The PMAI Online Assessment – http://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm
  • Awakening the Heroes Within – http://www.capt.org/catalog/itmdtl.htm?WT.si_n=ShoppingCart&WT.si_x=1&WT.pn_sku=60185&WT.tx_e=v&WT.tx_u=1&pnum=60185&bhcp=1

• Naan Bread or Biryani
• Tandoori Chicken
• Chicken Tikka Masala
• Saag Paneer
• Gulab Jamun or Kheer

Now, imagine a much ballyhooed Indian restaurant called – ‘Something Palace’ opens up a branch next to your work place. What’s special about this location is that it offers your top five favorite dishes in the unlimited lunch buffet every single day! Even better – for $10.99 you get a groupon for a lifetime of lunches at this location. Would you buy it?

Let’s assume you would. And you show up to buffet one day, ravenous. There is a special welcome counter for those with the groupon – kind of like the priority access line at the airport security check. The host is gracious, friendly and helpful – guiding you at this special counter. You reach out to get the naan and  he transforms into Mr. Hyde! Rapping you hard on your knuckle he directs, some indecipherable obscenities in an Indian language (probably Hindi) your way. Suitably chastised, you reach out for the biryani instead – same results, different obscenities. You adjust your approach and try out the Chicken Tikka Masala and this time, the result is different – he tasers you and gives you an earful of English obscenities!

What the heck is going on, you challenge the host after you recover? Turns out that there was some fine print in the groupon offer you did not read. You can only pick two items out of five in the buffet and he gets to choose which two items those are. So you are resigned to a life-time of lunch of saag paneer and gulab jamun. Would that be a fulfilling or nutritious lunch? More importantly, would that be a fair deal?

What would you do if this happened to you? What if you learned this unjust crime was being perpetrated against millions of people all across the world every single day, cheating them of billions of dollars every year? Chances are that you would not put up with this nonsense. You would get together a class action law-suit, putting the owner and each franchisees of Something Palace out of business and behind bars!

But what would you do if it turned out that you were one of the franchisees yourself? Read on…

Continuing where we paused in ‘Chapter 7 – Waiting for Seeker-Man!’…

It was a Thursday morning when I received my first ‘Bowfinger Delivery’. I was on a call – working from home, looking out at the Hydrangeas, Roses and Crape Myrtles in the garden. My colleague and I were on a meeting to prepare for a meeting (very sad, but very common). We were trying to figure out how we could get more out of our weekly “Core Team Call”. He asked me if I had read a book called ‘Death by Meeting’ by someone called Pat Lencioni. I said I hadn’t. He typed the name of the book and the author in the chat window and suggested that I take a look at it.

So I went to Borders and got myself this book. It was a page turner if there ever was one, and the most entertaining business book I have ever read! I was hooked! Within a few months, I had bought and read almost all the books by Pat –

• The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
• Silos, Politics and Turf Wars
• The Five Temptations of a CEO
• The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive
• The Three Signs of a Miserable Job
• Getting Naked

There is much that I learned from Pat’s books. But the first lesson was the importance of conflict to the success of a team. The role of a good leader is to give team permission to engage in constructive ideological conflict, and to encourage them to be passionate without being emotional, Pat said.

But how do you coach your team to manage conflicts constructively? Most of us cringe at the thought of conflict – it evokes memories of all the messy confrontations we have ever had, creating tightness in the pit of the stomach. Often, we just wish that conflicts would go away and any attempt to think about them makes us really uncomfortable. Pat suggested that readers consider the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Indicator, or the TKI.

Displaying my exceptional investigative prowess, and determination, I pulled up the preciouses Googleses on the Internetses. (I am not sure if I am channeling my inner Dubya or Gollum or both.) Googleses, dependable as ever, led me to the book – Introduction to Conflict Management, by Ken Thomas, the co-author of the TKI. Here’s what I learned from Ken…

The purpose of the TKI is to help us manage conflicts in a safe, pragmatic and situation based way. As I started reading the book, the biggest shift occurred when I learned to reframe conflict as a neutral event that can be steered in the desired direction. It’s like a car parked in the driveway. We have the choice to steer it to work or vacation. But if we don’t know how to steer a car, the very thought of driving will make us nervous and uncomfortable. And without the necessary training, chances are that we will steer it into a tree or a wall.

It is a basic human need to go from where we are to where we need to be. We all learn to walk, cycle, drive a car, or use some form of transport to fulfill this basic need. Perhaps the existence of conflict is just as common as the existence of the need to commute, but how many of us learn to drive conflict? So how do you learn to drive conflict? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall and upset Allen Iverson. Practice!!

You begin by learning about the two independent dimensions that influence us in the face of conflict-

• Assertiveness – How hard we are trying to address our concerns

• Cooperativeness – How hard we are trying to address the other person’s concerns

I used to think that these two dimensions were opposite and mutually exclusive – I could either be assertive or cooperative, but not both. It turns out that I was mistaken. Ken and Ralph emphasize that you can be assertive and cooperative at the same time. Based on these two dimensions, they proposed five styles of responding to conflict-

• Avoiding – Low on both assertiveness and cooperativeness. Ignoring a conflict or waiting for more favorable conditions before addressing it.

• Accommodating – Low on assertiveness and high on cooperativeness. Sacrificing your concerns so that the other person can get what they want.

• Compromising – Intermediate on assertiveness and cooperativeness. Losing something, gaining something else.

• Competing – Highly assertive, low on cooperativeness. Getting what matters to you without caring about the other person’s needs.

• Collaborating – High on both assertiveness and cooperativeness. Trying to get the best possible solution for both parties.

So this brings us to the Groupon Buffet Burglary that is robbing millions of unsuspecting victims as we speak, perhaps even you…

There is no best style for resolving conflicts – each style has pros and cons and we need to select the style that is best suited to the situation at hand. Unfortunately, someone usually denies us the freedom to choose the style that would serve us best. Like the owner at your local branch of Something Palace, this someone raps you on the knuckles or tasers you when you choose some of the five styles of conflict resolution, forcing you to only choose from the remaining two or three styles.

Over time, you get so conditioned to avoid pain that you automatically pick the two styles that won’t get you rapped on the knuckles and tasered. Naturally, it is not a very fulfilling existence, but there is not much you can do about it. Because you aren’t aware of who this someone is, what this someone is doing and how you can prevent this someone from limiting your options. And you are not aware that the someone is you!

Ken’s book opened my eyes to this strange crime I was committing against myself in the face of conflicts every single day. I was denying myself the freedom to choose the style that made the most sense for the specific conflict I was facing. However, before I could change my behavior, I need to understand the reasons behind it. Ken helped me identify two crucial habits that were causing this to happen-

• Underlying Intentions – When I did not understand why someone was choosing to behave in a certain way during conflict, I often attributed a negative underlying intention behind their actions.
• Negative Stereotyping – This led me to generalize and negatively stereotype certain people and conflict resolution styles…
  • Avoiders – Keep stonewalling and delaying progress
  • Accommodators – Are door-mats and can’t stand up for what they believe in
  • Compromisers – Will make barter anything to make a deal
  • Competers – Are aggressive bullies who will trample on others to get what they want

Once my auto-response kicked in with these assumptions, I was less likely to constructively manage a conflict with a person whose underlying intentions I suspected. And I was less likely to select a conflict resolution style with which I associated a negative stereotype, even if that were the most appropriate style for the moment.

I had a long way to go before I mastered conflict resolution, but as a wise man once said…

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

-Confucius

It looked like I had taken the first step on a very long and fascinating journey. I was beginning to understand the design of conflict. I had not reached the stage where I could disrupt my auto-response, but I was starting to notice when it was hurting me. What about you?

• What is your auto-response in the face of conflict?
• Which of the five styles of conflict resolution do you tend to overuse? Which styles have you conditioned yourself to under-use?
• Why does this happen? What role do underlying intentions and negative stereotyping play in enabling your auto-response?
• How is this costing you? Is the cost high enough to sit up and take notice?
• If yes, what do you do next?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Pat Lencioni – http://tablegroup.com/pat/
  • Death by Meeting – http://tablegroup.com/books/dbm/
  • The Five Dysfunctions of a Team - http://tablegroup.com/books/dysfunctions/
  • Silos, Politics and Turf Wars – http://tablegroup.com/books/silos/
  • The Five Temptations of a CEO – http://tablegroup.com/books/temptations/
  • The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive - http://tablegroup.com/books/obsessions/
  • The Three Signs of a Miserable Job – http://tablegroup.com/books/signs/
  • Getting Naked – http://tablegroup.com/books/gettingnaked/
• TKI – https://www.cpp.com/products/tki/index.aspx
  • Introduction to Conflict Management – https://www.cpp.com/en/tkiitems.aspx?ic=4816
  • CPP Global Human Capital Report: Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It to Thrive - https://www.cpp.com/Pdfs/CPP_Global_Human_Capital_Report_Workplace_Conflict.pdf
  • Ken Thomas – http://www.kennethwthomas.net/
  • Ralph Kilmann – http://kilmanndiagnostics.com/ralph.html

I am going to start this blog with a very hard question – one that has baffled mankind through the ages and will continue to do so in the centuries to come…What is your most memorable Steve Martin moment? There are probably too many to choose from. Is it the scene from ‘L.A. Story’ where he is hugging the talking freeway billboard? Maybe a scene from ‘Father of the Bride’ where he is battling Martin Short? Clouseau trying to pronounce Hamburger in ‘Pink Panther’? Watching Alec Baldwin on Meryl Streep’s laptop in ‘It’s Complicated’? Or it could be something from ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels‘, which I am ashamed to admit I have not yet seen.

I have thought long and hard about this question and come to the inescapable conclusion that it has to be the last scene from ‘Bowfinger’! The Fedex truck rolls up to Bowfinger’s walkway. The delivery man walks up to Bowfinger in slow motion and hands him a Fedex envelope. Bowfinger rips the envelope open with a triumphant smirk! Yes, he has finally arrived in Hollywood!

• What is your favorite Bowfinger Delivery moment? The moment that truly announces to you and the world that you have arrived.
• What is the special message delivered directly to you, that confirms what you have always suspected – you are special, you matter and that your life has a special purpose, even though you may not fully comprehend it at the moment?
• And who is the messenger that most often delivers this message to you?

I have been having quite a few of these moments of late. I receive messages that I need to hear, affirmations that are validating, and answers to the very questions I am grappling with. These messages are delivered typically within 48 hours of my issuing the question. Rain or shine, weekday or weekend, morning or night – the response time is pretty dependable and impressive. The messengers are most knowledgeable, diverse and timely. But they are surprising. I never know who or what they will be – a friend, a movie, a song or a book. All I know is that the message will be delivered. Freaky, but true.

I learned about this unique service offering in Carol Pearson’s book – Awakening the Heroes Within. The gist of the message is, and I am paraphrasing here, (I don’t think Carol will ever read or hear about this blog, so I am safe with whatever liberties I take…)

Whenever you are in need of an answer, a sign or a message, just ask the question and listen. Like Elmer Fudd, you must be vewy, vewy quiet, (as if you were hunting a wabbit!). In other words…

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

- Desiderata, Max Ehrmann

Silence the noise and distractions that surround you and be prepared to receive the message. The Fedex truck will roll up to your driveway, the delivery-man will walk up to your door in slow motion, and place the envelope in your triumphant hand!

I must admit though, that I began as a skeptic. It seemed quite implausible – this whole notion of the universal Bowfinger message delivery. But what the heck, I thought to myself, let’s give it a shot. For those who don’t know me, I am nothing if not a risk taker. Quite like the modern day, swashbuckling, Shia LaBeouf version of Indiana Jones. I live on the edge, thrive on adrenaline and dance with Danger. Danger, in fact,  is my middle name. As long as there is a zero probability of pain and a high probability of gain, I am all in! But I digress, like Joe Biden. Let me get back on message…

So, the first time I tried this technique was a few months into my brief (and very eventful) stay at one of the world’s most respected networking technology firms. I had joined with sky high expectations – I was in the Mecca of I.T. and would learn from the best and brightest minds in the industry. It was not long before my hopes were dashed unceremoniously! Within months, I was thoroughly frustrated with the culture and values of the organization, dismayed by the humongous gap between expectations and reality.

Pretty soon I was mixing it up with Management (big gasp!) and even the much feared and revered ‘Senior Management’ (even bigger gasp!). Yet again, my evil arch nemesis was rearing his ugly head to thwart my best laid plans – the Shadow form of the Warrior Archetype! My Life Coach – Joy Perkins refused to enable this behavior. She challenged me to acknowledge that this was a recurring pattern in my career and that maybe, just maybe, it was me, not them. (She is ruthless, that woman.) It was now time for me to find the answers to two questions-

• Why did the shadow (negative) form of the Warrior Archetype pop up in my work life so frequently?
• Was there a more constructive way to handle conflicts than to respond with the Warrior archetype?

We discussed the answer to the first question in my blog – Sunrise at Haleaakalā. It is now time to reveal the answer to the second question.

Note: ‘Why’, you may ask, ‘does it take two pages to come to the point of the blog?’ To which, I may answer, ‘Brevity is not my middle name. It is Danger!’

This looked like a mission for Seeker-Man! So, I ran into a vacant phone booth, shut-down my Warrior-Man Application, invoked the Seeker-Man Application and ran out, completely transformed as the Seeker-Man!

That’s the beauty and power of Archetypes. Once you identify the key archetypes, you can access them anytime you like. Just like you don’t have to be stuck with just one or two applications on your smart phone, you don’t have to be stuck with one or two archetypes for the rest of your life. You can install and use as many archetypes as you need. It’s like being a King and having a rich and diverse council of advisors at your disposal. You can call upon the one whose gift you most need at the given moment.

The Seeker’s Mission is to search for a better life. In my case, it was to find a better way to manage conflict when my core values were threatened. I needed a pointer, a sign to guide me on my journey. I did not know where it would come from, but ‘I went placidly amid the noise and haste, remembering what peace there was in silence’. And I listened. I received the answer, as promised in the instruction manual, from a most unlikely source…

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Joy Perkins – http://www.linkedin.com/in/joyperkinscoach
• Archetypes –
  • Carol S Pearson – http://www.herowithin.com/index.html
  • The Pearson Archetypal System – http://www.herowithin.com/system.htm
  • The PMAI Online Assessment – http://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm
  • Awakening the Heroes Within – http://www.capt.org/catalog/itmdtl.htm?WT.si_n=ShoppingCart&WT.si_x=1&WT.pn_sku=60185&WT.tx_e=v&WT.tx_u=1&pnum=60185&bhcp=1
• Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann – http://www.fleurdelis.com/desiderata.htm

That’s what my wife and I tried to remember, as we packed for our Memorial Day vacation earlier this year…

• One of us packed the obligatory backpack full of hard cover books that would never be read. The other packed a light-weight, technologically advanced reading device

(My wife is behind the curve and refused to make use of the latest technological advances. She is still on the Kindle and WILL NOT upgrade to the iPad. I read books the way God meant us to read them – on paper!)

• As usual, for some strange reason, I insisted on packing about twice as many sets of PJ’s as the length of our vacation. This generally causes a lot of consternation because it interferes with my wife’s desire to use up most of the space in my suit case.
• My wife packed the snorkeling gear. I am terrified of water, but showed the foresight to pack the life jacket. (Just in case I was brave enough to jump in the kiddies’ pool.)
• We did not pack any gloves, sweaters or ski-masks. Why would we – we were going to Maui in May!

Maui was every bit as beautiful as we thought it would be! The hills, double-rainbows, beaches, ocean and sea-life were unbelievable. But the best part for me was the sunrise at Haleaakalā!

Haleaakalā is a volcano on Maui with the summit at an altitude of 10,023 feet (3055m). And the Sunrise at Haleaakalā  was one of the most recommended attractions. There were only two problems –

• Sunrise was around 5:45 AM. (It was ridiculous! They should schedule it at a more convenient time, especially on an island that relies on revenues from lazy tourists like me.)
• It would take us three hours to get to the summit, so we had to be at the bus-stop by 2:30 AM.

Turns out that there was a third problem –

• The temperature would be around 35 degrees with winds of about 35 mph. And we did not have any warm clothes

T-shirt and shorts would not cut it. Clearly, we had not packed for these conditions. So we did the next best thing – we improvised. We bought gardening gloves from the grocery store, borrowed blankets from the hotel room and used the jackets we were smart enough to pack. It was not ideal, but good enough for us to enjoy watching the sun rise up through a carpet of white clouds.

So what’s the moral of this convoluted tale?

“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”

-Susan Heller

Perhaps, this applies to life, as well…

• We cannot carry all the things we need during our journey of life. That much baggage would just slow us down. We need to pack just enough to deal with the likely scenarios, and carry money to deal with the rest.
• There is no form of money more powerful in the face of adversity, than the currency of self-awareness.

In every crisis that I have ever faced, the difference was not so much how many resources I had at my disposal, but how well I understood myself to

• Select what works for me
• Ignore what doesn’t
• Find or create whatever is missing

But how does one accumulate the currency of self-awareness? Introspection helps, but one can easily get lost in the wilderness of one’s thoughts. I needed a guide who would help me, and was blessed enough to find one – my Life Coach, Joy Perkins. Joy used her training, expertise, intuition and core values to guide my enquiry with thought provoking questions, books and tools.

She began my journey by introducing me to the world of Archetypes through Carol Pearson’s book – ‘Awakening the Heroes Within’. It helped me understand how I could harness the positive power of archetypes and avoid the dangers of the shadow (negative) forms of Archetypes. The biggest insight was that the shadow form of the Warrior Archetype was active in my life. What this means in plain English is that I was often getting in trouble with management about the choices they were making. Joy challenged me to understand why this was happening and find a better way to harness my passion without being a Warrior.

This led me to two questions-

• Why did the shadow (negative) form of the Warrior Archetype pop up in my work life so frequently?
• Was there a more constructive way to handle conflicts than to respond with the Warrior archetype?

To help me answer the first question, Joy introduced me to the MBTI, or the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. The MBTI is a personality type assessment based on the work of Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung. Developed by Katherine Briggs and her daughter – Isabel Briggs Myers, the MBTI helps us understand and appreciate the differences between normal, reasonable, healthy individuals. It liberates us from getting frustrated with those who are different by teaching us how to  use those very differences to reach our goals.

The MBTI generates a personality type report based on a series of multiple choice questions. This report suggests  the kinds of activities in which we are most relaxed and comfortable, where we are most likely to ‘be in the zone’. The report proposes a four letter code to get us started on the journey of self awareness. This four letter personality type does not imprison us in a pre-defined box of characteristics. We are way too complicated to be reduced to a simple four letter code! All individuals who share the same four letter MBTI personality type are unique, special and evolving. However, this four letter code does suggest some questions we can ask ourselves and provide a high level map to navigate the journey of life and inter-personal relationships.

My MBTI assessment helped validate some things I already knew about myself, and taught me some things that I did not know. In particular I learned that…

• I was a reflective, introspective person who gained tremendous energy by reading, writing and thinking – usually in quite, calm places. Too much social interaction especially with large groups of people left me drained and exhausted.
• I loved to take a step back from what was happening here and now, to derive patterns based on what had happened in the past and what might happen in the future. The abstract, intangible world of ideas, intuition and patterns was way more fascinating than the concrete, tangible world of here and now.
• I cared deeply about people and wanted nothing more than the ability to help people meet their goals and live fulfilling lives. The crucial decision making question often was…

“How can we make the best possible decision to meet the needs of the business without sacrificing the needs of the team?”

• I chafed at rigid controls and deadlines and craved the flexibility to adapt a plan based on developments.

In MBTI lingo, my four letter personality type was INFP, which expanded to-

• I – Intravert
• N – Intuiter
• F – Feeler
• P – Perceiver

My preference for taking care of people caused me to switch into the Warrior mode whenever I felt that management hadn’t tried hard enough to meet business needs without sacrificing the needs of the team. Although my intention was to find the best possible way for the long term success of the organization and employees, the way in which I reacted was counter productive.

I really love this quote…“You cannot control what you do not understand.” The MBTI personality type assessment, coupled with the PMAI archetype assessment helped me understand my core values, preferences and goals, so I could better control my response in situations where my default auto- response would be counter-productive. This insight was also invaluable in selecting and customizing an entrepreneurial venture that aligned my professional life with my deeply held personal vision, mission and values.

As usual, some questions for you to noodle on, until the next blog…

• Are there some areas of your life where you just don’t understand why people (including you) behave the way they do?
• Does this lack of understanding prevent you from controlling the course of your life?
• What steps do you take to improve your understanding and gain a higher degree of control?
• Who do you rely on to guide you on this journey?
• What kind of an impact might this level of self-awareness have on your life?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Joy Perkins – http://www.linkedin.com/in/joyperkinscoach
• MBTI –
  • CAPT – http://www.capt.org/mbti-assessment/
  • CPP – https://www.cpp.com/products/mbti/index.aspx
• Archetypes –
  • Carol S Pearson – http://www.herowithin.com/index.html
  • The Pearson Archetypal System – http://www.herowithin.com/system.htm
  • The PMAI Online Assessment – http://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm
  • Awakening the Heroes Within – http://www.capt.org/catalog/itmdtl.htm?WT.si_n=ShoppingCart&WT.si_x=1&WT.pn_sku=60185&WT.tx_e=v&WT.tx_u=1&pnum=60185&bhcp=1

• I am passionate about supporting and inspiring my team
• I love to seek out new approaches to solve problems
• I get energized by sharing what I learn to help others
• I am most fulfilled when I can see a vision realized

This mapped to four Archetypes-

• Caregiver – Makes a difference to others
• Seeker – Searches for a unique identity, path, or solution
• Sage – Shares wisdom with the world
• Magician – Uses intuition and insight to catalyze change
  

This helped me understand why I might be dissatisfied professionally – most of my responsibilities as a Technical Manager in the fast paced world of I.T. R&D were focused on day-to-day tactical management of releases, leaving little time to focus on taking care of the team or learning better ways of solving recurring problems. As a result, I sometimes found myself getting frustrated – I felt I had terrific ideas to help my organization, but I did not have the influence or pay-grade to get my ideas implemented.

This frustration manifested in different ways:

• Impatience- When others did not see my vision
• Inflexibility- When my ideas were not accepted in pure form
• Burnout- When I could not protect my team from situations I found unfair

I learned that each Archetype has a unique and valuable gift, which is necessary for growth and self-discovery. However, if a particular archetype is suppressed, it rears its head up in an ugly, negative form – called the Shadow Form. For instance, here are some of the Shadow Forms I could notice in my life:

• Shadow form of Caregiver – Tendencies toward martyrdom and enabling others, and to burn themselves out while always putting others first.
• Shadow form of Sage – Ivory tower thinking, dogmatism, and coming across as lacking feeling/empathy
• Shadow form of Magician – Expect miracles when things get rough, and lose patience with those who aren’t as visionary as they are

Now, I could apply the Archetype model to understand not only what truly called me, but also why I might be dissatisfied professionally. It became clear that if I wanted a life of harmony and balance, I would have to find or create a job that allowed me to express my dominant archetypes. I had a choice – I could either find organizations that gave me this opportunity. Or I could create one. I chose the latter.

Applying this model helped me create the blue-print for a business that lets me express my most dominant Archetypes:

• Caregiver – Helping teams remove challenging obstacles using tools and techniques from the world of Organizational Development
• Seeker – Searching for unique solutions to help teams recapture the magic of making I.T.
• Sage – Sharing what I learned with the world through webinars, public speaking and consulting
• Magician – Using intuition and insight to apply best practices from the world of Organizational Development to the world of I.T.

I am using these guides to help me on my journey of discovery. It is not always safe easy, but it is definitely more fulfilling. How about you?

• How can you archetypes help you understand yourself better?
• Do you get to express the archetypes that truly call you?
• Can you see the shadow forms of any archetypes in your life?
• How would you apply this model to design a life that integrates your outer and inner worlds?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Carol S Pearson – http://www.herowithin.com/index.html
• Awakening the Heroes Within – http://www.capt.org/catalog/itmdtl.htm?WT.si_n=ShoppingCart&WT.si_x=1&WT.pn_sku=60185&WT.tx_e=v&WT.tx_u=1&pnum=60185&bhcp=1
• The Pearson Archetypal System – http://www.herowithin.com/system.htm
• The PMAI Online Assessment – http://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm

• Why are you on this planet? What is the mission of your life?
• How will this world be a better place after you are gone?
• What special gift must you share with the world before you leave?
• What profound lesson must you learn before you find your gift?
• What unique journey must you undertake before you learn your lesson?
• Why does any of this really matter?

Let me tackle the last question first – ‘Why does any of this really matter?’

Three reasons – financial, emotional and spiritual…

• Financial – You are trying to get that job, promotion or customer and the questions that keep coming up are – “Why YOU? What makes YOU different from all the others? What do you have to offer that others don’t?”
• Emotional – At the end of the day or week of work, you don’t have much left to give to yourself or your loved ones.
• Spiritual – You are going through the motions in life, but don’t have the sense of fulfillment you wanted.

Answering these questions will help you gain some powerful insights and make a positive impact on all three areas listed above.

In my previous blog, I introduced some key lessons from the first five pages of the book ‘Awakening the Heroes Within’, by Carol S. Pearson. Here are some other things I learned as I continued reading…

The questions I listed at the start of my blog might make many of us uncomfortable. We are so conditioned to focus on external goals and measures, that our inner world is like an ‘undiscovered country’. The more unfamiliar we are with this country, the more we fear and resist any attempts to make us explore it. So, we need some help with this journey, and Carol introduces Archetypes as a model to guide us.

An Archetype is a model or pattern of a person that is universally recognizable. Archetypes are symbols found in eternal myths, stories, songs and art. Think of the three stories you find most inspiring and ask yourself what they have in common? Chances are that they have some familiar archetypes – like a hero or heroine, who overcomes significant odds to defeat an evil dragon and recover a precious treasure. Along the way, perhaps, there was a funny ally or a jester who kept things light, an advisor or a sage who provided counsel in times of need and a lover who was waiting with open arms at the triumphant return. These are just some of the familiar Archetypes passed down to us over the ages through stories, art and religion. You can find some others on Carol’s site.

Consider for a moment that each one of us is a hero or heroine on a special mission to find a treasure that only we can share with the world. Each one of us experiences this journey in a very unique way, through the forms of an Archetype. At different stages of our journey, different Archetypes might be active in our lives. However, to have a balanced life, we must be able to integrate and invoke the appropriate Archetype at the appropriate time.

At any given time, however, there might be a particular archetype that clearly calls you and assigns you the mission of that stage of your life. Answering that call will lead to a fulfilling journey of discovery and suppressing it will lead to misery and dissatisfaction. But where do you start? How do you find which Archetype most accurately reflects your calling at this stage of your life’s journey?

You could start by finding a list of the 12 fundamental archetypes on Carol’s site and see which one calls you the most today. You can also take the quick, 20 minute PMAI Online Assessment to get a customized report on which archetypes are currently active in your life and which others you may need to develop to meet your life goals.

OK, so now you are familiar with the model of Archetypes, and you know which Archetype is calling you at this stage of your life. How do you apply this model and design a life that allows you to answer calling and integrates your outer and inner worlds? That will be the topic of my next blog.

Until then, some questions for you to noodle on…

• What mission does your organization live? (And I am not talking about the mission that is POSTED on the internet that no one reads. I am talking about the mission that the organization and its employees really LIVE on a day to day basis.)
• What unique gift does your organization share with the world?
• Where does the mission of your life gel with that of your organization? And where do they clash?
• How does this affect your financial, emotional and spiritual goals?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Carol S Pearson – http://www.herowithin.com/index.html
• Awakening the Heroes Within – http://www.capt.org/catalog/itmdtl.htm?WT.si_n=ShoppingCart&WT.si_x=1&WT.pn_sku=60185&WT.tx_e=v&WT.tx_u=1&pnum=60185&bhcp=1
• The Pearson Archetypal System – http://www.herowithin.com/system.htm
• The PMAI Online Assessment – http://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm

iAm very happy with my iPhone. But iAm disappointed with my carrier – it doesn’t give me any bars when iMost need them. And sometimes, iAm dissatisfied with my iPhone battery – it runs out of juice just when iNeed it. And now, iThink iShould discontinue this mixed case blogging because iMight iRritate and iLose you

OK, back to normal English now. So what do you do if your phone is low on juice? Maybe you can turn off 3G, or disable Bluetooth. Or just plug the dang thing back into the power outlet. If you’re super-cool, you may have one of those wireless charger thingies where you can just place your phone on a mat to charge it.

And what if the bars on your cell-phone disappear? You could apply the “Jobs Solution” and hold it the “right” way. If that is not the problem, you could either wait for iPhones to become available on Verizon, or ditch Apple & AT&T altogether for some other smart phone.

And now the real question…How do you figure out that there aren’t enough bars in your life? Or that your soul is running low on juice? How do you recapture your mojo once you realize it’s gone? And does it even matter? Here’s my story…

It was a Saturday morning, a few years ago and I was on my weekly call with my Life Coach – Joy Perkins. On the surface – I had a great job with a great pay in a great company. But I was not happy – something was missing and I couldn’t quite figure out what. The bars on my life were low and my soul was almost out of juice. I had asked Joy to help me with the enquiry into getting a better reception in my life and recapturing my mojo. Joy thought I might find some answers in the book – Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson. I did.

I love the way Carol starts her book…

‘Some people, we say, have “soul”. They have loved, they have suffered, they have a deep sense of life’s meaning. Perhaps most important, they know who they are.

Other people seem to have lost their souls. They may have material possessions – the right house, the right car, the right job, the right clothes; they may even have a stable family and be religious. But inside themselves, they feel empty. Even when they go through the right motions, it is movement without meaning.

Still other people love and suffer and feel life intensely; but they never really get their lives together. They cannot seem to find work or personal relationships that truly satisfy them, and so they feel constantly constrained. Although they may be connected to their souls, they feel cut off from the world.

Saddest of all are people who never learn how to make their way in the world or how to be true to their own souls. Their lives are empty and unrewarding – yet unnecessarily so: virtually all of us are capable of finding meaning and purpose in our lives and in the life of the human community.’

Which category would you place yourself in? And how would you shift yourself if you wanted to?

At the time I read the book, I felt I was in the group of people who had all the right material possessions but were disconnected from their soul. I needed some help with redesigning my life so I could be true to myself. But you cannot control what you do not understand. So before I could recreate my reality, I had to understand it. Carol’s book helped me with both.

In this teeming world with increasing needs and decreasing resources, we are often taught that life is an endless battle to fight for what we desire, lest it be consumed by others who get to it first. Whether it is beauty, intelligence, fitness, talent or power, we are constantly trained to measure up to some pre-existing standards, winning some well-respected trophy, leaving behind no time or energy to figure out if that is truly what we want, or if our happiness lies elsewhere. All too often, this all-consuming, relentless race leaves us so depleted that there is no fulfillment even when the trophy is in our hands. But what if there were a different way to look at life?

What if each one of us was a Hero, sent to this planet with a unique mission to accomplish? What if each one of us had a unique gift to offer the world? A gift we could only discover by undertaking a unique journey that yielded a profound lesson created just for us? Life, then, would not be about running a mad race along a pre-created route, trying to measure up to some pre-existing standards. Instead, it would be a thoughtful journey about recognizing our special mission and discovering the unique gift we have to share with the world.

I liked the way Carol shifted the context for living in five pages of her book. Suddenly, I found more peace and dignity in the journey of life. It was no longer about measuring up to some pre-created template of success. Instead, it was an open ended journey of discovery to find my truth and build a life around it. Before I could summon the courage to act on my vision, however, I needed some more clarity about what it was and how I would implement it. That will be the topic of my next blog. Until then, I would like to leave you with some questions…

• Why are you on this planet? What is the mission of your life?
• How will this world be a better place after you are gone?
• What special gift must you share with the world before you leave?
• What profound lesson must you learn before you find your gift?
• What unique journey must you undertake before you learn your lesson?
• Why does any of this really matter?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References

• Joy Perkins – http://www.linkedin.com/in/joyperkinscoach
• Carol S Pearson – http://www.herowithin.com/index.html
• Awakening the Heroes Within – http://www.capt.org/catalog/itmdtl.htm?WT.si_n=ShoppingCart&WT.si_x=1&WT.pn_sku=60185&WT.tx_e=v&WT.tx_u=1&pnum=60185&bhcp=1

In my previous blog, I mentioned Dr. Richard Tozer’s inspiring lecture in the Starting a Business course at SMU. He explained how Transactional Analysis can be applied to help entrepreneurs succeed. Dr. Tozer stimulated my interest in TA and I wanted to learn more. A few months after finishing my course, I found myself in my favorite book store in Bangalore – Premier, looking for Eric Berne’s book on Transactional Analysis – Games People Play. I did not realize that my search would also lead me to another unexpected treasure.

Premier book store is now closed, but many book lovers in Bangalore will remember it for two reasons…The first was that it was the most disorganized book store in town. Books were piled high precariously in ten foot towers, in no apparent order. But somehow, when you asked for a book, it would be magically located in a matter of minutes. The second reason was the owner – Mr. Shanbagh.

Mr. Shanbagh was to books what Pandora is to music. If you told him that last few books you read, he could suggest the next few books you ought to read. I asked him for Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, Rhonda Bynes’ The Secret and Eric Berne’s Games People Play. In addition to these, Mr. Shanbagh handed me Marshall Goldsmith’s What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. He promised me I would like it. I did.

Once I started reading Marshall’s book, I couldn’t put it down. He packed the book with amazing anecdotes and eye-opening insights on how the very habits that brought us success in the past might be preventing us from being successful in the future. But he was saving the best for last. The most inspiring part of Marshall’s book was the last chapter – the Coda. Here’s what he says…

“Imagine that you’re 95 years old and ready to die. Before taking your last breath, you’re given a great gift: The ability to travel back in time – the ability to talk to the person who is reading this page, the ability to help this person be a better professional and lead a better life.

The 95-year-old you understands what was really important and what wasn’t, what mattered and what didn’t. What advice would this wise “old you” have for the “you” who is reading this page?”

Wow! I think the 95-year old me would remind me that when I look back at life, I am more likely to regret what I failed to try, than what I tried and failed. So I started thinking about what was stopping me from realizing my dreams and how I could overcome my stops. That was the key question in my mind, as I started reading the next book on my list – Eric Berne’s Games People Play. Reading the book gave me some good news and bad news. First the good news…

I never thought of myself as someone who was good at playing games. I have always been the lazy couch potato who prefers watching other people playing. (It is safer that way.) So I was surprised to learn from Berne that I was an expert player of many of his games, especially the one called YDYB. Here’s how it would typically go…

I would go to a party and inevitably, the conversation would come around to a contest on who worked for the worst management. I would often win this contest and then we would start talking about our dreams of working for ourselves instead of the nincompoops we currently worked for. This is when I would display my expertise at a YDYB game…

Me: I would love to give up this stupid job and work for myself.

Poor, Unsuspecting, Friendly, Helpful Soul: Why don’t you try that?

Poor, Old, Helpless Me: Yes, I would love to, but I need the pay-check.

PUFHS: Why don’t you try generating some finance to help with the start-up costs and expenses until your business picks up?

POHM: Yes, that’s a great idea, but I really need the health care.

PUFHS: Why don’t you try something part-time so you don’t have to leave your job, pay-check and health-insurance?

POHM: Yes, I would love to do that, but my job is so demanding I don’t have the time and energy to work on anything after all the late nights and weekends I put in.

PUFHS: Why don’t you find a better job that has better entrepreneurial opportunities and culture, maybe in a startup?

POHM: Yes, I would, but what’s the point – the economy is in the toilet and there are no good jobs out there anyway.

PUFHS: Why don’t you contact my friend – he may know someone in a startup that could use a person like you?

POHM: Yes, I would love to do that, but startups have terrible hours and I would have to sacrifice spending time with my family.

PUFHS: Thoroughly frustrated and desperately looking for better company and conversation.

So the good news was that I was an expert at the game Eric Berne called YDYB. The bad news was that that I was an expert at the game Eric Berne called YDYB.

Berne explained in his book Games People Play, that in the world of Transactional Analysis, games are a series of complementary moves where the apparent motive may seem to be positive, but the actual underlying motive is negative. The first game he discovered was YDYB – Why Don’t You/Yes But.

In the YDYB game that I illustrated above, for instance, my apparent motive may seem to be soliciting advice on how I can be a successful entrepreneur, but the actual underlying motive is different. What I really wanted was to confound the listener into conceding that I had tried everything I could possibly have and that I was trapped in the prison of my circumstances. That is the concealed motive and pay-off of the game.

Once I noticed how frequently I was playing this game, and realized that the pay-off was not worth the price of impotence, I began to stop myself.  Instead of playing this game, I started devoting my energies towards breaking out of the prison of my constraints. But the first and most important step was to notice the role I was playing in perpetuating my own misery.

Now that I look back, I remember Jerry White sharing the same lesson in one of his lectures in the Starting a Business course at SMU. Many aspiring entrepreneurs are discouraged by the assumption that entrepreneurship automatically involves losing a number of valuable things…

• Financial security
• Health Insurance
• Time with family
• Leisure time
• Peace of mind

Jerry listed out several successful entrepreneurs who had succeeded without sacrificing any of the things listed above and challenged us to do the same. In another lecture, Dr. Tozer shared the lesson from Built to Last, by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras – avoid the “Tyranny of the Or” that forces a choice between two apparently conflicting objectives. Instead, use the “Genius of the And” to find a way to make both things happen.

Identifying and disrupting the games I was playing with myself was one of the first and most important steps in my journey to breaking free from the “Tyranny of the Or” and tapping into the “Genius of the And” to realize my dreams. How about you? Where are you surrendering to the “Tyranny of the Or” and are there any dreams you are giving up by playing the YDYB game? If so, how would you break that pattern? And what is the advice the 95-year-old you would give to the person who is reading this page?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Eric Berne – http://www.ericberne.com/
  • Games People Play - http://www.ericberne.com/Games_People_Play.htm

• Jerry White – http://www.cox.smu.edu/web/caruth-institute/director-s-bio
  • SMU Cox School of Business, Starting a Business Certificate Course – http://cox.smu.edu/web/caruth-institute/starting-a-business

• Marshall Goldsmith - http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com/html/marshall/Marshall-Goldsmith.html
  • What Got You Here Won’t Get You There - http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com/html/books/WhatGotYouHere.htm

We will pick up the thread when I was in the 11^th grade, in the computer lab of my high school in Bangalore, India. I had just debugged my first linked list program in Pascal and it was working exactly as I expected it to! No errors, crashes, or un-handled exceptions. ZOWIEMAMA! (That’s from ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’) The sense of exhilaration was unforgettable. I am smiling as I relive that moment. That’s when I fell in love with software and knew what I was going to be when I grew up.

Six years later – I was a Software Engineer at Siemens, being paid to do what I loved – code! I had arrived! But even before the honeymoon with my job was over, I remember asking my colleagues in the cafeteria if they would join me when I started my own firm. I used to get some funny looks. (I should have gotten used to that – that still happens. A lot.)

Ten years after starting at Siemens, the Entrepreneurial fire burned stronger than ever. I was at a major cross-road in my life – it was painfully obvious that I did not want to spend my life as a 9 to 5 employee. I still loved Software, but I got frustrated with the inability to identify and solve patterns of repeating problems that sucked the magic out of I.T.

I didn’t know then, what I know now – I wanted to be an Org Whisper and help teams recapture the magic of making I.T.! So I could not explain why I was deviating from the script, rocking the boat and thinking of giving up a decent, well-paying job. In search of answers, I found myself attending the ‘Starting a Business’ course at SMU’s Cox School of Business in Dallas, Tx.

The first lecture was by Jerry White – the Director of the Caruth Institute of Entrepreneurship. The topic was ‘Personal Characteristics of Entrepreneurs’. Jerry listed out 10 characteristics that defined entrepreneurs and asked each student to do a self-evaluation to total how many characteristics they possessed. I remember getting goose bumps – I scored a 7 out of 10! I started seeing light at the end of the tunnel – maybe there was a reason I was at this course, after all!

So I gained some insight into why I was at the cross-road. But I still needed some help in deciding which road I should take. It seemed like I had to mediate between three voices –

• What I had been taught to do by my parents – Get a good, secure job and stick with it.

• What I would love to do, almost like a child – Have fun at work and follow my passion!

• What I had learned from experience that I should do – Be a responsible adult and balance my responsibilities to myself and my family.

I felt like I was peering out through a frosted glass window, looking at what my life could be. The picture was hazy but I really liked what I saw. But there was a catch – I was sitting in a slowly moving train that was starting to pick up speed. I had to either jump now, or have my window of opportunity shut down forever! The constant conflict was driving me nuts and I was out of ideas on how to resolve it. Such was the mood when I attended the next lecture in the course. The speaker was Dr. Richard Tozer, and I think the topic was ‘Identify Windows of Opportunity’.

Dr. Tozer approached the challenge of entrepreneurship from an unusual perspective – he shared a diagram by Eric Berne, the creator of Transactional Analysis and author of the book Games People Play. Berne’s model of Transactional Analysis states that we experience life through the prism of an ego-state – a set of coherent feelings and behaviors.  At any given time, we could be in one of three distinct ego-states–

• The Parent State (P) – Similar to the behaviors and thoughts of our parental figures

• The Child State (C) – Resembling our behavior when we were children, like the little boy or girl that is inside every one of us

• The Adult State (A) – Like an objective adult making decisions based on an appraisal of reality

Dr. Tozer applied Berne’s work to simplify the internal conflicts that plague someone considering the plunge into entrepreneurship. These conflicts are driven by an imbalance between the three ego-states-

• The Parent State (P) – Wants the budding entrepreneur to choose the safety of a steady 9 to 5 job.

• The Child State (C) – Wants the entrepreneur to throw caution to the winds and jump in!

• The Adult State (A) – Wants the entrepreneur to make an educated an informed decision.

Dr. Tozer stressed the importance of reconciling these three voices and living a life that balanced the needs and values of each state. Applied to my life, in the context of entrepreneurship, this model helped me chart a course towards starting my own consulting business – SmoothApps.

As usual, I leave you with some questions…

• Where do you see this model applying in your life?
• What is the  cross-road where you are being pulled by these three states and their messages?
• How would you reconcile these messages and achieve balance?
• Perhaps, most importantly – what would happen if you don’t?

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.

References:

• Eric Berne –
  • http://www.ericberne.com/
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Berne

• Transactional Analysis –
  • http://www.ericberne.com/transactional_analysis_description.htm
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis

• Games People Play -
  • http://www.ericberne.com/Games_People_Play.htm
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Games_People_Play_(book)

• SMU Cox School of Business, Starting a Business Certificate Course –
  • http://cox.smu.edu/web/caruth-institute/starting-a-business

SmoothApps Online Workshop: Leveraging Personality Type with the MBTI

When:

Session 1: January 14^th 2010, 10:00 AM to 12:00 PM US Central Time

Session 2: January 21^st 2010, 10:00 AM to 12:00 PM US Central Time

Where: Online

Cost: $349 ( payable by check or PayPal )

Registration: Mail training@smoothapps.com

© SmoothApps 2010. All rights reserved.